Going down…

My weight, that is.

I am now 13st 2.5lbs, the lowest I have been in a long time and into the ‘overweight’ rather than ‘obese’ category.  It still feels like a very long way to go, especially with Christmas on the horizon, but definitely proud of the change that I have made so far.  When I last measured I had lost a grand total of 7 inches too, and my body shape has changed for the better.  I just need to ensure the Baileys, biscuits, Baileys, chocolate, Baileys, kettle chips, Baileys, cheese and erm….Baileys don’t undo all that hard work.

I was due to have my gallbladder out yesterday, which after being ouchy and grumpy for so long I was all geared up for.  My bag was packed, had spoken to my 4 year old about it, said goodbye to my workmates until January-and then it was cancelled.  I am waiting on a new date for it, but the juggling of work/childcare etc is a nightmare and just hoping it will work itself out when the time comes, and that the time isn’t too far away.


Dodgy gallbladder, fatty liver

Well, it has been a long time since I posted.  My health hasn’t been great, I’ve had pain that radiates right through my back and also a crippling stabbing pain in my ribs. I was referred for a scan and it has shown that my gallbladder is inflamed, and possibly has gallstones although they can’t say for sure as the inflamation made the images less clear.  My liver enzymes are also not working properly and thus my liver is fatty.  Sounds glam, eh?!  Problems with the liver function can make weight loss hard, which explains why I have been struggling even when I’ve been eating healthily.

This has been a kick up the butt for me though. People who have problems with their gallbladder are apparently more at risk of heart attacks.  This scares me witless as my Dad died of a heart attack when I was just a few months older than my son is now.  I have really cut back on the less healthy food, and am trying to ensure that any ‘junk’ I do eat is lower fat.

My actual weigh had been sneaking up again and is now on the downward slide again.  I was 13st 6lbs when I stepped on the scales on Monday.  I need to lose weight as it is likely I will need to have the gallbladder removed and that can’t happen if it is inflamed as it would cause complications.  The doctor says to aim for losing 14lbs to start with, I just know that I need to get proactive and do something about it as it scares me to think that my health could be endangered.  No chocolate bar is worth missing out on watching my boy growing up for.

Please support me on this journey as it is scary and tough.  I am petrified about going to hospital, I have only ever been for scans before and never had an operation or stayed overnight.  I’ve never had a general anaesthetic.  I hate needles.  The thought of having any kind of cut to my body makes me feel nauseous.  But I keep reminding myself that it is just one small op and hopefully health and my life would be better as a result.


Long time since posting! (including MM for September)

Well, I have been away from here for a while!  Settling the little guy into school, returning to work, general malaise, Open University…the autumnal feel is definitely upon me. I had a birthday last week which made me reassess life a bit and was an eye opener.  I had a few days where I was seriously down in the dumps, proper full-on ‘I want to hibernate and hide away from everyone’ kind of down in the dumps.  I was also quite poorly and had suspected gallstones, which I am waiting for a scan date for.

But now I have pulled myself up, brushed myself down and am back in some control, of both my life and my weight.  For the past few weeks I have been eating badly and put weight on-last week I was 13st 9lbs.  I knew it was going to happen, but the repulsion I felt on the scales compounded my feelings of anger/disappointment in myself.  This week I have been having a few treats, but they have definitely been ‘treats’ rather than getting into habits of eating too much.  My main meals have been healthier again, more pasta and more fresh food.  And it has paid dividends- 13st 4.75lbs as of this morning.

I also measured myself a fortnight ago, and my hunch that I was getting smaller was right- 5 inches off overall.

R Bicep 13 in (was 13.5)

L Bicep 12 in (was 12)

Bust at fullest  44 in (was 44)

Under bust 37.5 in (was 38)

Waist at thinnest 36.5 in (was 37)

Middle at largest point 46.5 in (was 48)

R thigh 22 in (was 23)

L thigh 21.5 in (was 22.5)

So this is working.  I am getting smaller.  I am also feeling fitter on the school run, at least, I am panting a bit less on the hilly section.

And I am so nearly out of that obese category, hoping that very soon I will be in the overweight section (is it normal to want to be overweight?!).  3 weeks until the Christening too and I have delayed buying a dress…can’t find anything suitable that I like!  And also secretly hping I’ll wake up and magically be a size 12…

How I know I am getting thinner (the arm test)

I stood infront of the mirror today.  Naked.  I’m not one of these people who spends hours looking at themselves, preening and pouting.  I barely look in the mirror when I put on my make up, and mastered the art of taking out contact lenses without using a reflective image many years ago.

Yet today, before getting dressed, I stood there and looked.  And I am definitely getting thinner.  The sides of my waist are going in.  One way I know this for a fact is the arm test.  When I used to stand up and look at myself when I was at my heaviest (very rarely, my aversion to mirrors at this point was extreme), I had a definite nipped in bit at my middle, which I assume was a waist of sorts.  Yet my arms would be hanging down and touching every part of the length of my body. Today I stood there and they didn’t.  My waist is thinner.  I pursed my lips together and squeezed from my shoulders, but the elbowy bit of my arms still wouldn’t touch my waist.  There was daylight between them!  Small victory to start off the day.

I then went to the bathroom to weigh myself, and here came small victory number 2.  The scales said 13st 6.25lbs.  Half a pound lighter than last week.  That is probably a fair loss.  I haven’t been strictly following a healthy eating plan, although have minimised snacks and had healthier main meals.  I’ve been doing more walking again too, as taking the little guy to school is over half a mile and uphill on the way.  So on the days I don’t work, I am doing about 2.5 miles walking a day over what I would normally do. 

I need to get back to trying my hardest with this now though.  I am edging closer to being ‘overweight’ rather than ‘obese’ according to my BMI and am determined that I can reach that sooner rather than later.  It is only 3lbs more to lose.  That is my next mini goal-hopefully within a fortnight!

Update (compulsive weighing, striving to be a ‘yummy mummy’ and small losses)

This has been a very hectic time for me.  After a trip home last week doing a whistlestop tour of family and friends, it has been back to work for me this week.  It is always a tricky time, as after 6 weeks out of the routine it takes a while to settle back into it.  This time it has been exacerbated by my son starting in reception class, which has been quite a milestone!  Seeing him in his uniform made me realise that I have absolutely no excuse now for the ‘baby weight’.  I was 12st 9lbs when I found out I was pregnant, so that is a bit of a goal for me.  It is still well over the weight I should be, but is a goal nonetheless.  The thought of doing the school run and being mixed in with all the other Mummy types put the fear of God into me.  I am overweight, not very confident in how I look, and find it hard to be brave and just ‘put myself out there’ and talk to other people.  On Monday, I went and bought new clothes (just for the record, a size 18 top from Fat Face which was actually a bit too big, a size 18 dress from New Look which fits nicely and size 16 leggings and cardi from New Look).  I wanted to look smart on the school run, and not have the other Mums, who in my mind were going to be sultry, glamourpuss types looking down at me in my slightly grubby, fadded clothes.  Thursday was the first day of schools, and I wore my new purchases.  Looking at the other Mums in the playground, I realised I was very much ‘in the middle’ in terms of my clothes. Some were wearing more make up than me (and I wear a fair amount) with perfectly ironed, smart clothes and others were there in jeans and a fleece, hair in a ponytail.  With regard to my weight and size, I would say I am at the top end of the middle.  This is something else I do, assess my place within a group in terms of size.  I think this started when I was the fattest in my class at school and became more apparent when I shared a house at University.  I remember one time three of us out of our house of four bought the same pair of trousers and a comment was made about how mine were the larger pair.  The comments have stuck, and I am now painfully aware of my size.

After talking to some girl friends online, I realised that I am weighing myself too much. I know I do this, and I always have, but never really realised how bad it had got.  I weigh myself every time I go to the toilet, just because I am interested in the fluctuations in my weight and so I can try and have some control over it. This isn’t healthy, and I know that, but it is a problem that I have always had, so much so that it becomes second nature to me now.  I have made a conscious effort to weigh myself just once a day now, in the morning.  It has actually made me feel really tense, but know that it is a much better way to be for me.  Hopefully, in time, I will be able to cut back again to alternate days.

The other thing I have been considering is small losses.  I weighed myself on Friday and found I am 13st 6.75lbs.  This is 0.75lbs less than I was a fortnight ago.  It doesn’t sound like a lot.  It feels like a drop in the ocean compared to where I want to get.  But it is a small step on my journey, some weeks I may take a giant stride forwards, others a sideways hop.  There may be weeks where I fall backwards.  But I need to get up again and realise this is going to be something I need to maintain for life.  If it takes a bit longer to get to my goal, so what?  Does it really matter?  My most successful weight loss was one where I lost small amounts of weight on a regular basis.  I didn’t feel disappointed if my loss was small and my mindset was such that I felt happy to be slimmer than I once was.  This is where I am striving to be again.

I have 7 weeks until I become a Godmother, and that was my first date I had a goal for.  I would love to be able to reach my target of 13st by then.  It is definitely possible if I am sensible and make healthy choices.  Onwards and upwards!

Pizza and pain

Those of you who know me, know that I have been struggling with IBS-D for years.  It has been getting progressively worse, and now when I get a flare up I don’t just get stomach aches and diarrhoea, I also get physical sickness, heartburn, shakes, fever and painful trapped wind.  This is what happened on Saturday.  I was in complete agony, laid up in bed for the best part of 6 hours.  It was one of the worst bouts I have ever had, I felt faint and was in such terrible pain.

And the reason for it?  Pizza, from a local take away.  I had it as a ‘treat’ on Friday night, despite knowing that it often makes me feel ill.  Why do I do it?  Partly because I feel that after being good all week I deserve a treat.  Partly because my husband likes to have a take away, and pizza is cheaper than the other options.  Partly because I love pizza dough!  But I know that cheese is a big culprit in causing me to feel like this.  I hardly eat it at all now, except for cheese sauces which contain a minimal amount of cheese.  My stomach went into complete spasm, and then a whole day was lost.  I really need to learn from this, but my willpower is actually very weak.  I want to lose weight without having to give up foods I like.  I want my IBS to magically go away.

I know though that this isn’t going to happen.  I need to be disciplined, to see weight loss as a process that will take time and will have blips.  To remember that I do have a medical condition that limits the foods I can eat without causing myself pain.

Tomorrow is a fasting day for me, and I am travelling back home to Wales.  I am hoping that with plenty of drinks I won’t miss the food too much as I’ll be busy trying to entertain my 4 year old on the journey. We’ll see!  I have been eating the right amount of calories, but still feeling bloated and windy this week, IBS or my body adjusting to the changes in my diet?

Weight Day 1

Today is the day.  Nervously step on the scales. Tentative, worried, anxious.

The display on the scales flickers.

And I am 13st 7.5lbs, 2.5lbs less than last week.

A sigh of relief.

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